


The Triumph of the Crumb

by bluetansy



Series: Roommates AU [1]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Comedy, Gen, Mild Language, Not Canon Compliant, it's shizaya if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 05:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13697928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluetansy/pseuds/bluetansy
Summary: Much to Izaya's annoyance, Shizuo seldom used kitchen plates. [the first part in an AU where Shizuo and Izaya are roommates]





	The Triumph of the Crumb

Somewhere, in an alternate universe far away from the canon, there lived slightly more agreeable versions of Izaya and Shizuo.

When Shinra introduced them to one another, they became instant frenemies.

Unlike their canon counterparts, they somehow managed to tolerate each other, sometimes.

However…

* * *

The first time Izaya realized Shizuo had an intolerable habit was on a Friday morning. 

Izaya had gone to the kitchen to make himself coffee. There, he found his roommate seated at their small dining table, eating toast.  Several bread crumbs were scattered across the glass tabletop.

Izaya could not recall another instance where he had seen Shizuo eating breakfast. Ordinarily, he did not wake up early enough for that.

Izaya now understood why the glass tabletop always seemed greasy. 

"You know, we _do_ have plates, Shizu-chan," Izaya said.

Shizuo made a low sound in the back of his throat, clearly irritated by the comment. Izaya rolled his eyes.

Izaya reached into a cupboard, pulled out a plate, and and walked over to the table to set it down in front of Shizuo.

"One more freakin' thing to wash," Shizuo said.

Although Shizuo said this, he made no attempt to push the plate away. He reoriented himself so the toast was over the plate instead of the glass.

On some level, Izaya could have guessed that Shizuo hated washing dishes. There were often occasions when Shizuo had snapped a chopstick by accident or cracked a plate from handing it too roughly. This was possibly why Shizuo had opted for toast. Izaya hardly cared to give Shizuo's kitchenware sensitivities much more thought, so he dropped the subject when he saw that Shizuo was using the plate. 

As Izaya stood at the kitchen counter beside the coffee maker, he read the local morning news on his phone. He typically paid little attention to entertainment news, but a picture of Shizuo's brother had caught his attention. The story discussed 'Hanejima Yuuhei's' debut role in a movie that was to be aired on television.

"Hmm, I see your brother's going to be in a film soon," Izaya said.

Shizuo's expression seemed to soften considerably. "Yeah."

"And he's got a leading role. You must be proud." Izaya said this somewhat indifferently.

Shizuo nodded. "I am."

Izaya returned to skimming through the article about the movie; he smirked a little when he read that it was supposed to be about 'vampire-ninjas.' It sounded like a plot outside of Shizuo's threshold of tolerance.

"Hey, what were you watching when you punched a hole through your television when we were still in high school?" Izaya asked.

This was enough to knock Shizuo out of his sentimental state of mind.

"A commercial. About _laundry detergent_ ," Shizuo snarled. He vividly pictured the particular part of the commercial that upset him.

Izaya fought the urge to laugh.

"You're not actually going to try and watch your brother's film, are you...?" Izaya asked. "' _Vampire Ninja Carmilla Saizou_ ' doesn't sound like something you'll be able to sit through at all!"

"Yeah... My parents really want me to go back home to watch it with them," Shizuo said.

"Well, best of luck in not destroying your parents' television," said Izaya, his voice filled with mirth.

* * *

Eventually, that evening arrived.

The movie _Vampire Ninja Carmilla Saizou_ would air on select television channels.

In the end, Shizuo phoned his parents last minute and informed them he would not be available for the evening. Shizuo's parents were empathetic toward him; they knew why their son had avoided it, even without being told directly.

Shizuo could sense how deeply his parents cared for him. They accepted him as someone who had out of control outbursts of anger; as someone who had destroyed their television years ago. They accommodated his short temper and suggested that they all sit down for dinner with Kasuka to celebrate at a later date instead. Somehow, all of this made him feel worse.

Shizuo's gaze lingered on his phone's call log for a moment, and then he abruptly stuck his phone into his pocket. He decided to give himself something to do that was more productive than sitting around contemplating the phone call he had just had; something other than thinking about how his volatile emotions stood in the way of him living peacefully with his own family.

He decided to wash dishes. A bid to prove to himself that he could do so without allowing his strength to damage the kitchenware. Somehow, Shizuo felt less badly about breaking something that was partially Izaya's. 

"Shizu-chan, I'm thrilled you've taken more of an interest in plates all of a sudden - really, I am - but shouldn't it be my turn to do this?" Izaya asked when he realized what Shizuo was doing.

"Yeah. Just felt like it, though," Shizuo said.

Izaya did not argue with that. 

* * *

A half-hour passed. In that time, Izaya had sent several emails to clients of his. He checked the time in the corner of his computer screen and returned to the kitchen.

"You could probably still make it to your parents' house if you took a taxi now," Izaya said.

Shizuo scowled.

"Earlier... were you listening to my call?"

Izaya looked surprised for a moment. 

"Well, the walls in this building aren't well-insulated," Izaya said, slyly.

"Izaya..." 

"Just a joke. I didn't actually overhear anything. It was just easy to guess that you had backed out of it."

"Yeah, well... that's none of your concern," Shizuo said with a strained evenness.

"You probably would have been all right watching it with your parents. They may have given you motivation to control your temper," said Izaya.

"Doesn't matter anymore," Shizuo said.

"Do you want to watch it?"

Shizuo growled.

"You freakin' flea! I Why does that matter?!" 

"I have a television?"

"So?! Shut up already!"

Shizuo gripped the marble kitchen counter, and then, there was an unpleasant creaking sound that emitted from it. Izaya laughed at this.

"Careful, Shizu-chan. This kind of marble is pretty expensive. Not that I couldn't afford to have it replaced if you broke it, but you'll owe me," Izaya said, smugly.

Shizuo willed himself to pry his fingers from the counter top. He moved away from it all together so he would not fall to the temptation of ripping it out from the wall.

"Goin' out for a smoke," Shizuo said, gruffly. He stalked past Izaya to the apartment's foyer, grabbed a pair of shoes, and left. 

Shizuo decided to take the stairwell down instead of the elevator. He knew his bad mood increased the likelihood of him breaking an elevator button. He had done so once before and it had been expensive to replace.

When Shizuo stepped out of the apartment building, he hastily lit a cigarette.

It was dark outside. There were a few people around him on the sidewalk, but none paid Shizuo attention. He watched the leaves in the trees rustle as the smoke from his cigarette was carried away in the light evening breeze. Meaningless stuff like this usually quelled his anger.

Shizuo's peaceful state of mind was promptly interrupted by the sound of his ringtone.He took a long drag from his cigarette, and against his better judgement, retrieved his phone from a pocket. He clicked on the email application and saw that the unread message was from Izaya.

 ** _Orihara Izaya:_** [I wasn't bragging about having a television, lol. I meant that you could watch your brother's film on it if you wanted.]

"... Then just say that!" Shizuo shouted at his phone. This caused a man that walked past Shizuo to jump away from him in surprise. He typed a reply back to Izaya.

 ** _Heiwajima Shizuo:_ ** [What do you think's gonna happen to your TV if you allow that?]

 ** _Orihara Izaya:_** [That's entirely up to you.]

 ** _Heiwajima Shizuo:_** [It isn't that easy. And, anyway, it already started 15 minutes ago.]

 ** _Orihara Izaya:_ ** [Excuses don't suit you, Shizu-chan.]

Shizuo looked at the message for a few moments as he felt his level of anger start to rise once more. Then, another message from Izaya appeared in his inbox. He saw the icon that indicated that there was a photo attached to the message.

 ** _Orihara Izaya:_ ** [I'm actually watching it right now. Yuuhei-kun's acting has made it entertaining enough.]

Below Izaya's message was a picture of Kasuka dressed in a ninja's outfit displayed on Izaya's flat screen. 

* * *

Izaya smirked when he heard the sound of the apartment's front door unlock a few minutes later. And sure enough, Shizuo stood in his bedroom doorway. He had brought the stifling aroma of his last cigarette with him. Izaya cringed, but convinced himself it would be worth tolerating. After all, he doubted he would ever get to witness something quite like Shizuo trying his hardest not to destroy his television ever again.

"I wondered if you read my last message or not," Izaya lied, easily. He assumed Shizuo would have read each of his messages and had carefully worded them to turn the situation around. "I guess you did, though, huh?"

"Yeah," Shizuo replied. He glanced in the direction of the television screen. Kasuka's character was in the midst of some sort of battle with other actors playing rival ninjas. He scowled in a way that was almost certain to leave him with premature wrinkles.

"Well, feel free to sit wherever you like," Izaya said. He gestured to his computer chair and another armchair that was in the opposite corner of his room.

"Floor's fine," Shizuo grumbled to Izaya, who was lying down on his stomach on his bed already. He seated himself on the floor in front of the foot of Izaya's bed. 

"If you were an ordinary person, I'd say your back was bound to hurt from sitting like that. But I doubt you've ever experienced it, right?"

Izaya said this in a tone that was somewhere between blatant mockery and genuine curiosity.

"Shut it, flea."

"I was only trying to be a good host," Izaya said, "Anyway, I'm sure you're wondering what you've missed thus far, so I will fill you in on the important pieces of information to know about Yuuhei-kun's character."

And Izaya proceeded to explain what had already occurred in the movie. It was one of the rare times that Shizuo ever listened to Izaya without becoming supremely irritated. Izaya did add superfluous information while he explained, but for the most part, Shizuo found he was not particularly bothered by it since it was about his brother's success as an actor.    

However, Shizuo failed to notice how Izaya had gone into great detail while explaining Kasuka's co-star adversaries, and how Izaya had intentionally tried to bait him into feeling upset with the characters who opposed Kasuka.

"I think I got it now," Shizuo said.

They watched the movie together in silence for a while. Much to Izaya's delight, Kasuka's character was taken by surprise by other characters in an ambush.

Shizuo ground his teeth together loudly enough for Izaya to hear the unpleasant clicking sound of enamel scraping against enamel. It sounded terrible, and it even made him feel slightly uncomfortable, but Izaya could not help but smile. This was exactly what he wanted to see.

Shizuo looked away from the screen. He even closed his eyes. Under his breath, he counted to 10 on his fingers as a means of distracting himself.

Izaya waited for the outburst. 

He waited.

And waited.

But the outburst never came. 

A minute or so passed and Shizuo finally opened his eyes. He appeared to have calmed himself. 

When it became apparent that Shizuo was doing too excellent of a job of controlling his anger, Izaya disengaged from the movie. He had been more interested in seeing Shizuo's reaction than the movie itself. And that reaction had been a complete let-down.

"How do you think it'll end, Shizu-chan?" he asked in a final attempt to rile up Shizuo.

"It'll end well for Kasuka, but not for these other ninja guys." Shizuo said this confidently.

"Ahh, sounds like you've got it all figured out..." 

Minutes continued to pass slowly, and Izaya felt himself growing more weary of the movie. He was completely bored.

Eventually, is eyes fluttered shut.

* * *

"Hey, Izaya?" Shizuo asked a while later.

"Yea...?" Izaya responded, somewhere between being awake and asleep.

"You care if I bring food in here?"

Izaya heard the sound of Shizuo's voice. He could tell that it was a question and that he was expected to respond to it. 

"Nah..." Izaya said, without giving it the same amount of thought that he would have if he had been completely awake.

Shizuo got up to fetch a box of cookies for himself With what Shizuo thought was Izaya's genuine approval. 

They were cinnamon sugar cookies. The kind that one would want to eat over a plate to avoid leaving cookie crumbs all over the place. This thought did not occur to Shizuo, however.   

* * *

The next thing Izaya knew, he was roused from him shallow slumber by sudden shaking. Shizuo had jabbed the box spring and mattress with his little finger to awaken him.

"Shizu-chan, what - ?"

"Had to wake you up. I dunno how to turn this thing off," said Shizuo. He set the television remote in front of Izaya.

"Hah... And here I thought that was an earthquake..."

"Quit. Exaggerating."

"Oh, but I was being quite serious."

Shizuo glared at him.

Izaya pressed a few buttons on the complicated television remote and it shut off. 

“Thanks for letting me watch that. But I can't stand to be around you anymore today. See ya,” Shizuo said as he collected the packaging for an empty box of cinnamon sugar cookies he had eaten.

Izaya peered over the side of the bed. 

"Did you eat all of that just now?" he asked. The disgust he felt was evident by the way he looked at Shizuo.

“You. Got. A. Problem. With. That? HUH?” Shizuo replied. His voice was tense with anger.

Izaya simply shrugged.

“…!”

But then, it occurred to Izaya that Shizuo had an empty box of cookies in _his own room_. As this realization hit, he noticed the unmistakable shimmer of brown sugar and cinnamon on Shizuo’s pants, Shizuo’s shirt sleeves. Izaya’s eyes darted to the carpet around Shizuo. As he expected, he saw a plentiful amount of cookie crumbs. And then, much to his horror, Izaya even noticed cookie crumbs on the sleeve of his own shirt. Izaya dusted the cookie crumbs away and collected them into the palm of his hand. 

Then swiftly wiped his cookie crumb-laden hand on the back of Shizuo’s shirt.

“The heck?! What was that for?!” Shizuo cried. He turned, trying to see what had happened to the back of his shirt.  

Izaya looked at Shizuo with an expression of absolute disgust.

Izaya did not respond, and this irritated Shizuo.

"Well...?"

Silence.  

Shizuo shook in rage. He slowly, menacingly, pulled himself up from where he sat on the floor.

But before Shizuo had the chance to stand at his full height, Izaya grabbed his arm.

“ _Shizu-chan_ ,  _no,_ ” Izaya said, sharply, “don’t stand up yet.”

The tone of Izaya’s voice took Shizuo by surprise.

“Huh? …Why shouldn’t I?” Shizuo replied, almost curiously.

“You’re crumbly!”

“ _I’m_   _WHAT–?_ ”

“Just look at all of the crumbs around you! Don’t make worse.”

Before Shizuo could even fully process Izaya’s words, Izaya had scurried away to the kitchen.

“I’m coming back with paper towels. Seriously, don’t get up,” Izaya said.

And sure enough, when Shizuo looked around himself, he saw the crumbs.

“Oh, uh... whoops?”

* * *

 Several months later, a similar situation occurred...

* * *

When Izaya saw the box of assorted sweets gifted to Shizuo by Kasuka in the refrigerator, he reminded Shizuo to use plates frequently. That did not, however, mean that Shizuo listened. When Izaya was not around, Shizuo would absolutely forgo using a plate.

Shizuo believed himself to be careful; he ate sweets quite often in his own room without a plate and he never found crumbs anywhere.

With a miniature powdered sugar-covered cake in hand, he knocked on Izaya’s bedroom door. Shizuo decided to take his chances of talking to Izaya while holding food without a plate.

“Hey, Izaya?” Shizuo said loudly enough to be heard through the door.

A moment went by, and then Shizuo heard a faint invitation for him to enter.

He opened the door and found that room was only lit by the light of Izaya’s computer screen and the light from Izaya’s walk-in closet.

“Why’s it so freakin' dark in here?" Shizuo asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice.

He stepped into the room and saw that Izaya appeared to be searching for something inside of the walk-in-closet.

As he angrily looked into the closet, he noted that Izaya seemed more dressed up than usual. Izaya wore a button down shirt with slacks. It was apparent Izaya had somewhere important to go for the evening.

“Shizu-chan, if the lighting bothers you so much, why not just leave? ...Desperate to spend time with me?” Izaya asked; then he cackled most annoyingly.

“Like I’d ever wanna spend more than three seconds with you!” Shizuo shouted.

“Oh, my. So three seconds is acceptable? I think more than three seconds have passed by now!”

“NO! SHUT UPPPPPPP, YA FREAKIN' FLEA!!! I’M NOT HERE FOR YOU!!! I’M HERE 'CUZ I WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU KNEW SHINRA’S ADDRESS!!!!!!”

Izaya paused in what he was doing to laugh. He turned around and stepped outside of his walk-in-closet.

“Surely you’re not so dense that you’ve forgotten how to get there?" Izaya asked.

“HAVEN’T YOU EVER HEARD OF ' _NEW YEAR’S CARDS_?' THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE NEED WHEN THEY WRITE 'EM - _ADDRESSES_!!!!”

Izaya covered his ears as Shizuo shouted.

“So loud... But writing cards, huh? I didn’t think Shizu-chan would ever attempt to do something so _thoughtful_ ,” Izaya said with a frown; then he added, “I actually have Shinra’s address memorized.”

Somehow, this fact disturbed Shizuo. 

“Better not have anything too personal memorized 'bout me or Kasuka!”

“Of course I don’t,” Izaya said, smoothly.

“That’s the most obvious freakin' lie.”

Izaya pretended like he had not heard that statement.

“You probably need Shinra’s address written down for you, right? I’ve misplaced a necktie, so wait a little bit while I find it - then I’ll write it down for you.”

“Fine.”

Shizuo invited himself to sit down at the foot of Izaya’s bed. As he waited, he finished the remainder of the cake he held with his right hand.

“... Where you goin' that you gotta be dressed like that?” Shizuo asked.

“Oh, well... let’s just say the individuals I’m meeting with tonight have certain expectations for the way their business associates dress,” said Izaya.

“Don’t say anymore. I don’t wanna know.”

Shizuo rest his hands against the comforter on Izaya’s bed. The fabric underneath his right hand had a slightly different texture from the fabric underneath his left. He wondered if it was some kind of embroidery.

It was too dark for Shizuo to tell with certainty what was different about the right side. He brushed his hand against the fabric. There was definitely a higher quality in the texture on the right side. It was something Shizuo found vaguely familiar, but he could not decide why that was so.

“You’ve been pretty quiet,” Izaya commented with a hint of suspicion as he flipped his closet light off.

The light emitted from Izaya’s computer screen was extremely dim. Shizuo squinted and somehow saw that Izaya had found his black necktie.

“'Cuz I didn’t wanna hear anymore about your shady meetings,” Shizuo replied.

“Right, right. It’s too much for Shizu-chan.”

Izaya walked over to his desk and scribbled down Shinra’s address on a blank piece of paper.

“Here,” said Izaya and he handed Shizuo the address.

Then, to Shizuo’s surprise, Izaya reached to Shizuo’s right and lifted something up from the foot of the bed.

It did not take Shizuo long to figure out that it was a suit jacket. He stared at Izaya and wondered why he felt uneasy. He even felt a sense of _déjà vu_. 

An awkward silence between them went on for long enough that Izaya even commented on it:

“I’m all for the idea of you sitting in the dark uncomfortably, but I’d really prefer if you took it to your own room while I’m out. I don’t want you throwing anything of mine out a window.”

Irritation brought Shizuo back to his senses.

“Yeah, I’m leavin’. Don’t let anyone uninvited follow you home this time, Izaya. I don’t wanna be chasing thugs down the street at 2 A.M. like I did last week, ya hear?”

"Hah. Well, I’ll try my best not to get followed?” Izaya offered.

“Yeah, whatever.”

Shizuo left Izaya’s room. He went back to the refrigerator poured himself a glass of milk and also helped himself to another miniature cake.

Sweets somehow took the edge off of his dealings with Izaya.

A few minuets later, Izaya emerged from his room. He caught sight of Shizuo without a plate and scowled.

And Shizuo was ready to glare right back at Izaya.

That is, until he saw it.

It was so noticeable; yet...

 

“I know you’re a monster, but try to remember to eat over a plate. At least try a little,” Izaya said, exasperated.

Shizuo continued to stare at Izaya.

Izaya waited for a reaction. Anger, hostility, denial - something to affirm he had heard Izaya’s words.

Shizuo’s mouth was slightly parted, as if he had something he wanted to say; however, he remained completely silent.

“Shizu-chan? Did you hear? I called you a monster.”

“Uh... Yeah... I heard...”

“Aren’t you upset?”

“N-nah...”

Izaya looked at Shizuo suspiciously. Shizuo had never been the type to gracefully accept any insult. Ever.

“How many of those have you eaten?” Izaya gestured to the cake in Shizuo’s hand.

Shizuo flinched.

“Let that one be your last one for the evening if it’s making you sick,” said Izaya.

“Uhh... yeah, okay...”

Izaya gave Shizuo a look of disapproval before he turned to walk away.

“... Izaya! Wait!” Shizuo called after him.

“Yeah?”

“You...”

“Me?”

“Your...”

There would never be a good way for Shizuo to tell Izaya that he had powdered sugar all over his suit jacket.

There was a giant, upside-down hand print that rested next to Izaya’s left jacket lapel. There were also elongated trails of sugar that ran down the right side of the jacket and even extended to the right jacket sleeve.

Izaya looked like he had uncharacteristically spent an afternoon baking in an expensive suit jacket.

Shizuo wondered what Izaya’s shady cohort would think if they saw Izaya like this. He hated to admit it to himself, but Izaya had been right; he should have eaten with a plate. As he prepared to tell Izaya the truth, beads of nervous sweat rolled down his forehead.

“Your suit... uhh... it's... really nice,” said Shizuo weakly.

“...?”

Izaya raised an eyebrow. He was unconvinced of the sincerity of Shizuo’s complement.

“It’s unusual for you to say something like that,” Izaya said with a frown.

He turned away from Shizuo as he resumed putting on his shoes.

“Yeah, well... have a good time,” Shizuo said much too quickly. In a rush, Shizuo rinsed his empty glass in the sink and hurried off to his own bedroom.

“Strange...” Izaya said to himself.

Still unaware of the powdered sugar on his jacket, Izaya left the apartment. 

* * *

Much later, Izaya sat at a restaurant dining table across from a well-dressed older gentlemen.

Live music played from a corner of the restaurant. The melody of the song was appropriately eerie for the direction Izaya's client had taken their conversation.

“Informant, you’re a very fortunate,” said the older gentleman.

Izaya sat rigidly in his chair. He had sensed trouble from the moment he arrived at the restaurant. The older gentleman smiled, and Izaya forced himself to return it.

“Well, it’s quite an honor to work with a respectable man such as yourself,” Izaya said.

“And I’m sure it’s also an honor for you to work for Shiki-san from the Awakusu-kai,” the older gentleman said, softly. 

“I assure you that I’ve never -”

“There’s no need to explain. I already know about all of your interactions with the Awakusu-kai.”

The older gentleman paused and took a deliberately slow sip from his glass. Izaya waited for the man to speak once more.

“I had planned to have my men toss you into Tokyo Bay,” said the older gentleman.

Izaya glanced at the men in suits affiliated with his client. They nodded at Izaya in acknowledgement. Although Izaya remained composed outwardly, anxiety from the situation put his mind into a haze. Thus, he had no response prepared.

“But truth be told, that didn’t sit well with me. Not when you’ve reminded me so much of my grandson tonight. So I’m going to offer you a bit of advice instead,” said the older gentleman.

The man carefully plucked a business card case from his jacket pocket. He opened the case and extracted a business card. Then the man snapped his fingers. One of the gentleman's associates rushed to the side of the table.

“Please hand this card to my guest,” said the older gentleman.

Yes, sir,” replied the underling, monotonously.

Izaya accepted the card with sweaty palms.

“This is the business card of someone who works for the school my grandson went to. Young man, if you’re passionate about something, you should stick with it. This world we work in - my group, the Awakusu-kai... I don’t think it’s the right place for someone with a wholesome hobby,” the older gentleman said, kindly.

“I... I’m not sure if I’m following. What do you mean?” asked Izaya, confused.

“I can tell you like to bake. Just like my grandson. He would get flour on his suit jackets, too.”

Izaya immediately looked down at his jacket and saw what had caused the older gentleman to draw such a conclusion.

"...Please excuse my appearance...” said Izaya.

“That’s quite all right. I hope you will consider my suggestion. It’s an excellent culinary school...”

* * *

At midnight, Shizuo heard the front door to the apartment open, and he rushed over to the foyer to meet Izaya.

Izaya had sunk to the floor with his back resting against the wall. His hair messily covered his eyes and his phone dangled from his fingers carelessly. Shizuo half expected it to fall to the floor just as Izaya’s keys had moments before.

“Izaya...? Are you OK?” asked Shizuo.

Shizuo noted that Izaya’s jacket only had remnants of powdered sugar left on it.

“Oh, I’m fine. But... I don’t think my reputation will ever recover from this,” Izaya said.

Izaya’s phone began to ring, and he immediately pushed a button to send the call to voicemail.

“You could have taken the call,” said Shizuo, cautiously.

“What’s the point? It’ll be the same thing. I’ve gotten dozens of calls tonight,” Izaya said with a bitter laugh. “You know why, Shizu-chan?”

Izaya finally looked up at Shizuo.  

Shizuo noted the odd look in Izaya's eyes and swallowed hard before he spoke.

“You were right, Izaya. I should have used a plate. Then I wouldn’t have -”

Izaya held up his hand as a signal for Shizuo to stop.

“It doesn’t matter. It's too late for that.”

Once more, Izaya bowed his head and his hair covered his eyes. When Shizuo saw that Izaya’s shoulders were shaking, he started to feel slightly concerned.

“Better not start crying,” Shizuo said. He crouched down to Izaya’s level. 

“Shizu-chan...” Izaya’s voice was ominously quiet. “I don’t think you really understand...”

Izaya’s shoulders shook more violently.

“Izaya... Come on... ”

“...h....h.....”

“It’ll be OK,” said Shizuo in what he hoped sounded like a reassuring voice. He awkwardly patted Izaya's shoulder. Powdered sugar flew into the air. “Guess I don’t really know what happened, but I’m sure you’ll be taken seriously again, someday... You’ll make sure of that.” 

“Ha... ha... ha...”

“Izaya...?”

“Haha...hahahaha...! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“YOU WERE FREAKING LAUGHING?” Shizuo roared as he yanked Izaya up to a standing position.

“HAHAHA! SHIZU-CHAN, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’VE DONE!” Izaya continued to laugh like a maniac.

“WELL, HOW ABOUT YOUR FREAKING TELL ME THENNNNN?”

And then, from their front door, they heard an angry-sounding thunderous knock. 

“ **HEY, SHUT UP! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!** ” yelled a deep voice from the opposite side of their front door.

Izaya pulled himself out of Shizuo’s grasp and looked through the front door's peephole.

“Well! If it isn’t our neighbor! You know, the guy who looks like he could even take you on? Oh, no... he’s already walking away. Too bad... I was hoping he’d break down the door and it'd be you verses him. ...Maybe it’ll happen next time, huh, Shizu-chan?” Izaya said, too brightly.

"Heck no!"

Shizuo growled as he watched Izaya merrily spin back around to face him.

“It’s really been a while since I’ve laughed that hard,” Izaya said. He brushed the back of his wrist against his eye.

“What did you mean about me not knowing?” Shizuo asked, suddenly.

“Oh, right. Well, I’m not exactly sure how you managed to get powdered sugar all over my jacket, but it’s the reason why I’m standing here right now...”

“Well, duh, flea! If it weren’t for the powdered sugar, I wouldn’t be awake. I’d have gone to bed! If you’re tired of talkin’ about this like I am, then gimme your jacket and I’ll get it dry cleaned for you. I knew I shoudda told you, but -”

“No, it’s good you didn’t tell me,” Izaya interrupted.

“... Huh? How is that ‘ _good_?’”

“I went behind my client’s back and he found out about it. The only reason I got to walk away - the reason I’m here right now - is because I reminded him of his grandson. A grandson who likes to bake. Do you understand the irony of this, Shizu-chan?” Izaya asked as he began laughing once more. This time, however, his laughter was more subdued.

“I spend months trying to get you to use a plate to prevent something like this from happening, and then when it does... well, it becomes the very thing that saves me,” Izaya said.

“So you made somebody real mad... and they let it go because they thought you liked to bake...?” Shizuo asked.

“Exactly. And now I’ve been receiving calls and emails all evening urging me to quit my job and become a pastry chef. Apparently, my client’s grandson was well-regarded. Several of my clients want me to follow in his footsteps,” said Izaya.

“You gonna start baking now?” Shizuo asked. He made an unhappy expression after he said this.

Izaya happened to share the sentiment. His expression mirrored Shizuo’s.

“Of course not. I've never baked anything in my entire life.”

“I don’t know, Izaya... maybe you should consider it,” Shizuo said.

Izaya scoffed at Shizuo’s remark while he unlaced his shoes.

“Absolutely not,” Izaya said.

“Better get used to close calls, then. ‘Cuz I may not always be around to make you seem like an innocent homemaker.”

“Shizu-chan, don’t phrase it like that. It really sounds awful.”

"You might as well go along with it. Your shady pals are always gonna think you like to bake now. ”

Shizuo walked away from Izaya and into the kitchen. Izaya put his shoes away on the shoe rack in the foyer. Then he followed after Shizuo.

“You are going to get this dry cleaned for me,” Izaya said.

He shrugged out of his suit jacket and set it down on the marble counter.

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

“And you’re never bringing food into my room ever again."

“Yeah, OK. It was my bad.”

“And you’re never eating inside of the apartment again.”

“Would you shut up already? That last one’s not happening and you know it.”

Izaya shrugged.

“Worth a try, you know? I thought there was a chance you could have agreed to it.”

“Not when you’ve already admitted that was the reason you came back in one piece,” Shizuo snarled.

Shizuo opened the refrigerator. He pulled out his box of assorted sweets and set it down on the counter.

“Want one?” Shizuo asked. He gestured to the box of sweets.

“Seriously? After everything...? That’s food only fit for a monster. I’ll pass,” Izaya said, haughtily.

“You’d insult something Kasuka picked out, huh?”

Shizuo's eyes started to glaze over with his inhuman anger. The kind of anger that made Shizuo completely unreasonable.

“No, it’s just...” Izaya started, slowly; he chose his next words carefully. “We don't have the same taste in sweets, Shizu-chan. I can't say I even like them much. And Kasuka-kun picked all of those out with you in mind.”

The anger in Shizuo’s eyes seemed to dissipate.

“Take one of the chocolate ones, then. They’re less sweet. And chocolate is supposed to make ya feel better, or something like that, right?”

“Hah! What makes you think I need anything to feel better?”

“Well, you weren’t exactly doubled over in laughter from the moment you came in, were 'ya, Izaya-kun?”

Izaya scowled slightly, but he took the chocolate sweet from the opened box as Shizuo suggested.

“I won’t say ‘thanks’ for this, Shizu-chan.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not sayin’ ‘sorry’ either.”

“Good.”


End file.
